Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize