Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
