I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize