Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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