In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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