I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so that wasnt chicken after all
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
