i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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