I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
