I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
