Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
