I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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