she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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