She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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