i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's shark week go big or go home
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
