I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
