This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
