capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
