Little spoons don't ask big questions
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
