so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
