margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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