We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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