I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
