I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
