Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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