At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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