i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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