Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
