If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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