I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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