So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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