im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
