No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
