I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
