For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
