Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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