so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
