so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
