if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
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I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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