is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
