there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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