I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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