I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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