tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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