Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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