K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
