Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
thus making me awesome and them whores
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
