Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
