i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This house was built for laser tag.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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