dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
