What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
