My room smells like vodka and shame
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
