There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
