just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize