I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
