Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
