all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
