Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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