We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
