It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i need some magic done to my vagina
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
