Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.