Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
