So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
