i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
