also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
