Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
