he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I intend to get homeless drunk
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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