Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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