think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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