I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just cut my nipple shaving
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
