it wasn't lemon gatorade
just tell him i said nine months
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
