so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
