I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
