i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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