Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
