At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
