Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
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I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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