Don't make out with my wife yet
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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