Will you blow on my dice?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize