You're a womanizer and a bitch.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
