Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
