Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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