I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
