You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
